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Monday, April 4, 2011

Mom Confessional

I am always comparing myself to other moms. And I always fall short.

I hate baby play sometimes. There are rare times when it comes naturally to me and it's a blast. Most of the time, I can't even do it. It numbs my brain.

I have internet friends. Like never-met-in-person, message-board-chatting, digital-world-only internet friends. I love them and wouldn't like to know life without them.

About 90% of the time, I feel like I'm going through the motions. I have moments where I think, "Yes, this is what it's all about." But most of the time, I feel like there is something missing and I wonder why my life isn't more like Kelle Hampton's.

I miss being pretty, not fat, and having a flat tummy. And I miss my husband (not just in this picture, but every night):
I love my son more than I love my daughter. But it's okay for me because I don't have a daughter. Yet.

I worry constantly about autism. Tommy has hit all of his milestones on time and is a perfectly normal baby. But if he doesn't respond to me when I call him by name or babble every second of every day, I get a little panicky and Google-crazy.

I miss his hair already. My mother-in-law cut it and I cried (pre-op photo-op).
Lastly, I drink two Diet Cokes each day. I wish I could stop, but I can't. Aspartame = crack. 

7 comments:

  1. Jessi said...

    Becky, you are one of the loveliest people I know.
    Stop comparing.
    Stop googling.
    Stop cutting Tommy's hair.
    But don't stop drinking diet coke-- it's one more thing we have in common.

    Love,
    Your internet friend

  2. forgottheflour said...

    Don't we all do that? I'll tell you I have the same panic attacks, do the same comparing, and feel the same way (which is good news, yes?). I don't, however, cut J's hair because she doesn't have much. It would be cruel and unusual.

  3. forgottheflour said...

    PS- I'd love for my ID to say Lacey but I can't figure that out. So sad. You know who I am.

  4. Becky said...

    Internet friend - You are the best. I don't google...I lie. I yahoo. And...I'm Aiken for some Diet Coke right now, actually.

    Lacey - This is great news! I'm not psycho. Well, maybe just a little psycho for Bruxie deliciousness.

  5. Ashley and Nathan said...

    I yahoo too. And, I'm addicted to Dr. Pepper. I drink far more then 2 cans a day though :/ You are an amazing person and I'm glad I met you...sorta ;)

  6. Lacey said...

    If loving Bruxie is wrong, I don't want to be right.

  7. lostandforgotten said...

    Unfortunately I feel like all women compare even if we're not mothers we're always comparing whose thinner, prettier, better dressed, etc.

    At least you're addicted to Diet Coke, I drink regular coke with all the calories!

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